


Multitudes of Blue

by Mlle_Lane



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Eventual Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, Steve Rogers Is a Good Bro, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-29
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-09-20 17:33:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9502589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mlle_Lane/pseuds/Mlle_Lane
Summary: The hottest part of the flame is blue. But Tony, regardless of his scientific training, never associated blue with fire. It takes him a long time, through one heart-broken event and multiple rib-broken events, to realize that blue is indeed the warmest color.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Loving You is Red](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9500015) by [Mlle_Lane](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mlle_Lane/pseuds/Mlle_Lane). 



> This is a companion piece to "Loving You is Red" which is Steve's part. You probably need to read that one first to fully understand what is going on here.

  
_Poster:_  
'He is the best man in the world,' Tony can still hear Howard's raspy voice every time his eyes catch the poster of Captain America. And without fail, he still has an urge to trash the room, remembering how his father praised the man and ignored his own flesh and blood. The bright blue, bloody red, and stark white are his least favorite colors for the longest time. Until they aren't anymore.

  
_Arc Reactor:_  
The blue glow accentuates his purple under-eye circles, making him look more tired than he already is. Tony bites his lip, watching the creation buried in the center of his chest with mixed feelings. He should be grateful that it keeps him alive, yet it will kill him eventually. He should have known it is a bad omen to create something that blue. The blue is the color of death, the color of despair, and the color that means nothing except coldness of metal.

  
_Blue Flame:_  
The sea of blue fire erupts before his eyes, signaling his near demise. 'What a great way to die,' Tony thinks, closing his eyes and expecting blistering heat will scorch his flesh any minute now. Yet the only thing he feels is a drop in his belly like he is falling fast. It shouldn't be like this since there is no gravity in space. He should be pushed by the sheer force of explosion alone. Maybe focusing on physics might make dying easier - of course not it doesn't, who he is kidding. But he thinks about gravity anyway before losing his consciousness, and blue flame turns into a black pit. It is suiting to die this way, with the color that represents his personal hell.

The first thing he sees when he opens his eyes is the blurry blue silhouette. Then his eyes come to focus, and the fuzzy blue becomes the solid outline of a particular super soldier. He takes in a deep breath, New York air tinged with burning smell. He's back on earth, breathing and kicking. Well, the kicking part might be too much at this point. He takes in his surroundings and cracks a joke, a bad joke that earns him undeserving smile and crinkle eyes. And if his heart skips a beat, it's because it just starts beating again, not because he thinks how beautiful those sky blue eyes are.

 

 _Linen:_  
His head hurts, and he is thirsty. He tries to open his eyes, but every time a little light seeps through it is as of there's an atomic bomb testing inside his skull. Tony turns over and buries his head on a soft pillow underneath, hoping it would help blocking fiery sunlight. He pries open his sticky eyelids, and the rumble blue linen greets him. Now not only his head that aches, but his chest also doesn't feel any better. Oh God, it is her color...there is no way Tony would choose a blue linen pillow case. He closes his fists around soft fabric, wishing the pain that roars from his chest would not escape his throat. He already screamed too much. And it doesn't help...nothing helps. A soft touch on the back of his head jolts Tony out of his silent scream. It is the first time he realizes that he is not alone on this bed, beside him laid the one Steve Rogers. Steve must come to check on Tony last night when he was numbed from alcohol, and his brain stopped working because he has no recollection of seeing the blonde at all. He opens his mouths with a full intention of telling Steve to get the fuck out of here; he won't play host while nursing his shattered heart and he doesn't need pity. But before he can utter a word, the blonde pulls him close, engulfing him in a warm embrace and forcing him to look at the chest pattern of the hideous blue shirt Steve loves to wear. So Tony closes his eyes to block out the blue. And as much as he tries to hold it in, a single tear manages to escape his eyes. And then comes the tumbling wall of agony and pain, washing out of his eyes. Tony sobs unceasingly into Steve's chest. The blue shirt dampens and darkens, yet its owner still holds him tight, rocking him slowly as the pain rips through every fabric of his being.

 

 _Crayon:_  
The sound of chalk grinding against a coarse paper can be heard from inside the quiet room. Tony stops short on his track and peers through the open door, not many people visit his personal museum, where he keeps his old relics and some arts that are purely Pepper's style. In the middle of the room, standing a tall blond in front of an easel, he softly rubs his thumb across a large pad. Tony knows Steve was an art student, but he's never seen Steve draws or paints or does anything art-related. 'That's new,' Tony thinks and tip-toes through a short corridor until he is directly behind Steve. The soldier's fingers turn black and blue from carbon and crayon. 'That's a change of pace,' Tony tries not to think about the last time Steve turned black and blue and covered in red.

 

"That's the first arc reactor," Tony speaks up. He intends to keep his silent, but upon seeing the blue object on that stark white pad, he just can't contain his surprise.

 

Crayon drops to the wooden floor with a clanking sound, echoing through the silent room.  
"Oh," Steve turns to face him, a hesitate half-smile grazing the blonde’s handsome face.

 

"It is also the proof that I have a heart," Tony says fondly. Of course, he can still feel a dull pain every time he thinks of her, but it becomes bearable, especially when Tony is in the presence of ‘him'. Tony tries not to look into it too much because down that path lays another unavoidable broken heart. And he can say with certainty that it would be his heart.

 

"It is. And also everything you do too," Steve continues easily. And oh so easily Tony's heart speeds up. Not every day 'the best man in the world' would look at you like you're the most precious thing ever. And also not every day he wishes that he doesn’t know how much it hurts when the heart doesn’t get what it wants

 

 _Blue Punch:_  
'Someone must have drugged him,' Tony squints at a bright blue tall glass in his hand suspiciously, because no way in hell he would consider a baby blue soft cotton t-shirt a sexy Halloween outfit. Yet here he is, hiding at a bar like a coward. If he has to look at the tight t-shirt covering a perfect pectoral for another second, he would walk straight up to its owner and just----do nothing. Gosh, he is pathetic.

 

"Have you seen Cap?" Clint's cheery voice startles him.

 

"Yes, he's standing near the punch bowl. I saw him when I got this," Tony raises the glass, trying and failing not to picture the incredibly blue eyes that lit up the minute Tony walked by, or the soft full lip that stretched into a generous smile sending in his direction.

 

"I know, I just met him"

 

Tony looks at Clint and wants to ask then what the hell are you doing here, making me relive impure thoughts about a national icon!

"He is breaking your rule, though. He is not dressing up."  
Ohhhh, his stupid rule, he specified in an invitation that everyone attended need to be in costume.

 

"Oh come on, he is in a t-shirt, not a button down. That considers a costume for Cap," plus who says Steve is not in an appropriate theme costume. Tony is sure as hell Steve dresses up as a devil - he is everything Tony wishes for yet he can't have.

 

 _Thermometer:_  
Tony peers at the blue thermostat in his mouth, wanting to protest and telling his nurse that JARVIS can take his temperature just fine. And the said nurse should leave before catching Tony's cold and crippling an entire operation of the Avengers, because sad but true -the team can run without him, but they can't function without direction from Steve.

 

"Don't talk," Steve says sternly like he knows exactly what Tony is thinking.  
The thermometer softly chimes, and then it is removed from his mouth.

"Hundred and two," Steve mutters and looks at him with worried eyes "It is still manageable, though."

 

"Yes, so you can leave now," Tony croaks out. "I can manage on my own."

 

"I'll take that as delirious talk. And I've no intention of leaving this room while you're still this sick," Steve places a cool, wet cloth on his forehead and brushes his hair back tenderly. Now Tony needs to fight a shiver, not from the fever but from the way his body reacts to Captain America's touch.

 

"You don't have to do this. I don't want to be the reason Captain America sick, ok?"

 

Steve sends one of those half-pity, half-humorous smiles to him. "I can't be sick, so don't worry."  
"I want to be here," Steve sits by his bedside, a look of resolution apparent on his features. "I want to take care of you."

 

Tony must be dreaming, one of those high fever dreams that seems so real. "Why?" He wheezes out, wishing his voice wouldn't betray any feelings.

 

"Because that is what I do for people I care."

 

So in summary, Steve is kind, and Tony is an asshole who wishes the answer would be different. Anything else would be better: a friend, a family, or even a teammate. Because 'people I care' is so broad, and Tony's mind shouldn't be trusted to interpret anything Steve's related innocently. He would look into it, think about it for days, go crazy, and then start all over again.

 

"And also because you're my landlord and I wish you'd not start charging me market rate rent."

 

Tony barks out laughter, momentary forgetting he is bed-ridden and probably in love with his best-friend. Steve smiles back his sincere smile, the one which lights up his eyes and makes Tony brain short circuit. "You should sleep. I'll be here when you wake up," Steve lays his hand lightly on Tony's wrist, and instead of flinching Tony turns his palm up and laces their fingers together. Consequences be damn; he is sick, so he is allowed to follow his heart desire for once.

  
_Necktie:_  
Tony leans in a little closer, let the soothing hand on his back chasing away his nausea and replacing it with something much more intoxicating and dangerous. He is still drunk, but not from the copious amount of alcohol he consumed at the party but rather from the gentle whisper, sweet smell that is flooding his senses, and that damn navy necktie. Tony clutches his wool pants, wishing he didn't give Steve that necktie because seeing the blonde wearing his clothes invokes some deep dark feeling that he doesn't know he possesses.

 

"Are you feeling better?" Steve asks cautiously; he must sense something has changed. But he is not wrong because at that moment this resistance falls, crumbling to the floor. And the next thing Tony knows, he tangles his hand with that god-damn tie and pulls Steve in. Tony uses the last of his willpower stop himself from slamming his lips against super soldier's lips. Steve inhales sharply but doesn't pull away.

 

"Do you know what I'm about to do," Tony asks, voice rough and uneven.

 

Steve nods and wets his lips.

 

Tony wants to take that simple nod as a permission, but he needs more because he doesn't plan to stop at kissing. He pulls Steve closer, not kissing but whispering in Steve delicate pink-tinged ear "If you want me, tonight I'm yours. But you need to make the first move."

 

Suddenly, he is against the broad chest, and his head is angled up slightly as Steve's lips come crashing on his. The kiss obliterates every thought from Tony's mind, and it is the first time that evening that he can truly breathe - when his and Steve's breaths mingle, and his pulses quicken like never before.

 

 _Ocean:_  
Rage builds inside him and comes crashing down like ocean waves during a storm. Every word that Steve says is like a hurricane, fueling larger and larger waves. He is mad at everything - at the SHIELD for keeping the secret this long, at the Winter Soldier for taking his parents' lives, and at himself for blaming his father all these years. But most important, he is mad at Steve.

 

"Do you know this before or after DC," Tony balks at Steve. His fists clench tight, and knuckles turn white.

 

Steve looks at him with such sadness which speaks a thousand words without any sound. Now he knows the answer.

 

"I'm sorry," Steve's voice is barely heard on this cliff with the sound of wave constantly crashing against the rocky shore. Oh God, the irony, he drives up here to show Steve something the blond never seen, but the one who gets surprised is him. He feels his chest tighten and another wave of anger washes over him.

 

"AND YOU STILL LET HIM GO," Tony screams "How can you--how can you look at me after that. You let my mother's murderer get away."

 

"He was not himself. And Tony, Bucky is my friend."

 

Tony looks at the sea of blue ahead of him, feeling nothing except blistering coldness, even the fiery rage is stumbled out upon hearing Steve's last sentence. When he opens his mouth again, the words come out not louder than a whisper "And am I not?"

 

  
_Your eyes:_  
Tony wakes up with such a disorientation he doesn't know where he is until he sees a yellow glow of full moon outside of his window. He is back in New York again. The coolness of the mid-November air is gradually more pronounced every second. Tony tugs his blanket up and buries himself deeper into his bed, knowing the sleep won't come quickly after waking up like this. That dream is still vivid as soon as he closes his eyes - the blank blue stare, the accusatory words, and the pile of corpses all in red white and blue uniform.

 

Now his thought turns to the subject of his dream, wondering what the blonde is doing. A year of sharing the same bed, Tony knows Steve has an erratic sleep pattern as Tony has. His heart aches thinking about Steve and his bed in the same sentence. Even though their relationship was nothing more than physical, because Tony wouldn't let himself fall any further, it still hurts him. Tony misses him. He might forgive Steve now, but Steve is not the only wrong-doer here, isn't he? Yes, Steve let the Winter Soldier loose, but Tony let Ultron loose and almost destroy the planet. He accused Steve of letting his emotion control his action, but Tony also let fear dictate what he should create.

 

The sound of his door opening startles him. He turns to look at the night intruder and has his breaths catch in his throat. Because on his doorstep, stood a tall figure that Tony knows by his heart. Steve closes the door softly and walks to sit on his bed.

 

"F.R.I.D.A.Y. told me you couldn't sleep again." The light from full moon shines through and illuminates Steve features. The most pronounced of all is his concern eyes - so different from the cold blue that he saw in his dream. "You can't do this. You need to sleep."

 

"Sleep with me," he says it out loud before his brain can catch up with his mouth. Oh God, he needs to take that back. "I was j--"

 

"OK." Steve cuts him off before he can finish. "Scoot over."

 

Tony is still not sure what just happened; one minute he is afraid Steve would never talk to him again, and another minute the super soldier is laying next to him, warm blue eyes looking at him. Maybe his brain can shut down and let his mouth runs the show.  
"I--I miss you," Tony confesses, of course, it is not 'I forgive you.' They are still a long way from that.

 

Steve entwines their fingers together and whispers back "I miss you, too."

 

Warmth spreads through his entirety. He might still have a bad dream when he sleeps, but he will wake up facing hope.

 

 _Hospital Gown:_  
"Do you really believe that you will be alone forever?" Tony asks Steve because they have nothing better to do while stuck inside a hospital. Both Tony and Steve are wearing the ugly blue hospital gown with no underwear which usually will lead to either Tony's or Steve's or both's orgasm. But considering that Tony can't even move his arms and Steve is still nursing that broken hip, he should stop thinking about naughty things he can do to Steve without underwear.

  
Steve laughs "How many times have you ask me already?"

 

"Because C'mon you aren't blind. You must see that everyone want to jump your bone." Not that Tony is not envied, but he makes peace with himself that he would be content with this friend with benefits thing.

 

"No, I'm not blind. But it just doesn't work out Tony."

 

"Why? I mean if you're so afraid for your partner's life you can choose another superhero."

 

"This," Steve points to himself "might look fine in theory, but loving me is not easy. I come with a lot of baggage. For one, my childhood friend is a notorious assassin who is programmed to kill me." Soft chuckles escape Steve's lips. Tony grimaces, only Steve can laugh at that. They are here now because they were after the Winter Soldier, yet the assassin escaped once again.

 

Tony signs. He gets it, in theory. Steve is Captain America; he is not even from this century so how can he connect with anyone here. And he is so right and rigid and sometimes has that holier than thou attitude that Tony wants to punch out of him. But..But Steve is also the one diving in front of bullets to protect Tony without hesitation. He is also the one watching all the House Wife shows on Bravo with Tony. And he is so kind and funny and smart.

...And...and even with all his best intention Tony just can't help falling in love with him. So he just wishes Steve would love someone else so he can nip that budding hope in his chest before it can root deeper.

 

 _Tiffany Box:_  
"I found this on your desk," Pepper walks in, interrupting his welding, and tosses a blue box at him. Tony catches it with reflect, ready to tell her to fuck off because a person who broke his heart has no right to meddle with his current affair.  
"Steve would hate a ring," she says casually like she didn't just rummage through her boss desk.

 

"It is not for Steve." Tony resorts to lying, knowing it wouldn't work.

 

"Uh huh."  
"Have you guys ever gone on a date?" She raises her eyebrows and pins him with her stare. Tony shifts uncomfortably.  
"I take it as a no. Actually, have you ever asked him out?"

 

Tony signs. He knows Pepper wouldn't let him go if he doesn't answer her.  
"There will be no ring. No date. No asking out. I bought this in my moment of weakness, which already passed, so just let it go Pep."

 

She is silent for a heartbeat then speaks up softly "He is not me, you know?"

 

Tony gives a snort "I know." He puts his goggles down and looks at her straight in her eyes. It took him over a year to be able to look at her without feeling a pang of grief. Now, he is just grateful that he has her in his life, no matter what role she is.

 

"But you still don't let you love him."

 

"No. I won't. Because down that path lays another unavoidable broken heart. And it will be mine." Tony repeats the words he consistently said to himself. "One time is enough, Pep." He doesn't blame her for his lack of courage. It is just he doesn't like to gamble with his heart.

 

"Down that path also lays your happiness," she stops then continues "And his happiness too, in case you still don't know."

 

She takes in his shock face and smiles "So you really don't know."  
"It is not only your heart that is on the line, Tony. Oh and he loves roses." She smiles once again then turns back and walks out of his lab before he can shout out that of course, he knows the last part about roses.

 

Tony glances down at the little blue box in his palm, and his face breaks into a huge grin. Maybe he should not return it today but should hold onto this ring a little bit longer.

 


End file.
